Say something about gay babies.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
