you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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