What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
