winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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