Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize