she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
