Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
