I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This baby is an asshole
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
