I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
BRING THE BAGELS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
