is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well you can't waste a boner
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize