I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
