I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so let's talk penis.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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