I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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