i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
