Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
