so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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