She is in my trunk
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
