Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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