there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
