I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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