so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
