you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
