Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize