Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
