a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
