he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
