I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
