last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish i was in the wii world.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize