i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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