new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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