EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
