So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
