Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
