yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
