White coat. Heels.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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