There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
