i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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