Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
