GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
