could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
