So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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