I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
