Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
