I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
