Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
