buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
