Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
