I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
