am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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