Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
