I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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