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if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
