Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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