Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
