I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As shirtless as possible
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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