My liver just broke up with me...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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