We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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