I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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