new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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