her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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