OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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