I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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