she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
