i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
