just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
