im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
