I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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