Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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