She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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