i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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