so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
