i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
