Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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