He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
