you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
