ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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