oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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