I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
