This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
