My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Say something about gay babies.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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