God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
