Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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