I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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