I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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