Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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