I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
