I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
