I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
