We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
