Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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