fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize