Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't think brook has ever known best
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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