Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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