Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
