I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
