she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
