is wine microwaveable?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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