I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
