you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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