WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
