Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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