no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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