and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
