A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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