I cannot find my penis.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
