Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
