so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
