I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
