Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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