I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
